One woman explained her narcissistic partner so well and all the things that had been happening to her and how she had such a guilt complex, that I could see my situation and this was a turning point in my life as well. Nothing because it doesnt make them happy the god dam morons. I made that decision and Im the happiest Ive been in all my life. Even if i am myself very smart allowing to study on my own and discover things others couldnt etc. I personally feel if anyone wants a good example of a full blown narcissist, the president of the USA is one of them. Your new life is just waiting for you to find it. I cant even be sure where im on the parts of the list but im truly egoistic. People can tolerate some poisoning in the above or they can tolerate being in anti-social clean environments but they can not do both However he spends upto 2 hours a day looking at them. I have three GREAT kids. I mentioned this to him one day when Id had enough and he got very upset and said now he has to try and remember everything he says too and put it on the list. I dont want to be selfish but I also need to know how do I have a voice in these situations? I apologise for this being so long, but its a huge subject with a lot of traps for the unwary. It is not 100% of course but the symptoms you describe are also expected with both low testosterone and therefore can start even before 40, but also due to head injury or events replicating the inflammation of head injury, e.g. The treatment then was medication and psychiatric ward. Oh yeah a mother that knows you got a serious compulsive gambling disorder that go through 6 months of no dont do that! Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. Narcs ofc I had the potential to do whatever i wanted, i even had the hospital CEO of my region offer me a complete scholarship and all expenses to end of university in anything i want as long as its high management or medecine/pharmacy etc. I want to be able to do more observing and not inhaling and absorbing that behavior, but you can probably tell that this is of course what I do. Our marriage ended after 25 years and was through my choice in asking him to leave. Study the concept of narcissistic supply and you will discover that people with narcissism are fed by the reactions they get. Thanks so much for helping me. Oh i was not that smart i mean it was crazy to do that but with the list of things i was dealing with (ADHD, autism, bipolar, borderline, ptsd, violence etc) i guess i was allowed to not be perfect? Maybe thats just evidence that some things can be more than one thing, and that someone can be a bit Aspergers AND a bit narcissistic. Ive noticed when I interject a remark to change the subject, he pauses then launches right back into what he was saying, he doesnt even register what Ive said. This brought on the most horrendous fear in him which he still has trouble containing. When I have these thoughts I think of it as the Mammoth thats weighing me down, and after a little practice I can now make that lousy thought from my Mammoth disappear. Im not a therapist and dont profess to be one. A lot to learn but worth trying. I am working on how to ignore his behavior and concentrate TOTALLY on my own happiness. There are many dodgy characters that aren Narcissistic or Autistic and the stigma attached is unacceptable. I believe that is always possible. My main problem is that I still keep forgetting that I cannot treat him as a normal person, so I make problems for myself. Lol how can society be prosper and happy when it is lead by monsters that work on self-destruction? Ive been married a couple of times and had different intimate encounters along my journey in life, and also a 30yr friendship with a man with, what I described as a condition. My husband certainly does. I told him I would if he kept making these remarks more appropriate to a locker room so he put it on the list as he calls it and says when the list is too long were through. I just came to the understanding that narcissism is a spectrum, and that my mother might be on it. I had no idea how narcissism presented itself in relationships and have read a lot about it as time has passed. But after reading comments on this website I am totally convinced it is narcissism with my spouse. A hug for you because I think you need one, and I hope you can rise above all this to a better life. I did this often to remind myself what I was dealing with. They teamed up on me to make me guilt trip and think its truly me the problem since they all agree that it is me. having . Im sure there are probably more issues with this article. Any assistance with this will be highly appreciated and therapeutic for me. Courage is needed along with perciverance. I feel totally blessed to have a 2nd chance and we have had a lot of terrific times together. I feel tremendous empathy knowing hes probably had to deal with the way he is his whole life, him not understanding why he has run ins with other people. They are blind.. they see nothing. He clearly resents that. What? I am also a survivor of pretty horrendous child sexual and physical abuse, starting in my first year of life and going on till puberty (age about 12 or 13) when the perpetrator lost interest in me and turned his attention elsewhere. He made me cut ties with a lot of my friends shortly after we got together, because of them being aware of my sexual past, because of him feeling ashamed of me, and being associated with someone whod done certain things. I will note these books, one of which he was recommended by his therapist.The Body Keeps The Score. But it is definite now. Now i try to.. get some self-esteem since no one would ever tell me anything good about myself i had to find it on my own. All the self help books provide the type of suggestions suitable for a 35 50 year old still in work, with children and friends and a reasonable partner, who is thought to be wanting to get on and achieve goals My only goal is to get through another day. It has been suggested that this occurs because of under-utilized mirror neurons in childhood, which leads to dysfunctional mirror neurons in adulthood (Kellevision, 2015). Since mirror neurons are part of the brains social interaction systeminvolved with social cues, imitation, empathy, and the ability to decode intentions of otherssome scientists have found that people on the autism spectrum have a dysfunctional mirror neuron system (University of California, San Diego, 2005). If you are in a relationship with a person on the autism spectrum, it is helpful to know how to take care of yourself. It may help the person feel in control, superior, or powerful. And Im now again trying to keep up. Given an unlucky start, I have subsequently been extraordinarily lucky. They are capable of approaching you. Thank you for all the advice. I suffered so much, went down in alcoolism, drugs, compulsive gambling. My way to determine the difference is via the behaviour called gasslighting. Going by this chart, I have no idea what to believe now. I have a very interesting inner life trying and making sense of my life to the present moment but have no idea whether all this info could be used to move therapy to a better place with unarguable regulation for all. I mean other than my pure grades, the behavior of all the important people around me outside my family says a lot. And in this situation knowing he is a narcissist has taken a lot of my wounding away from our very difficult relationship and I have come to terms with how our relationship is. I am an advocate for marriage, I believe in it and I greived greatly when my marriage ended. I was advised no contact is one of the best ways. Ive started to see a counselor to gain better understanding of myself and to try to change but Im now worries that maybe my narcissistic side is manipulating this poor fellow and were just pretending to deal with things that arent the root cause of my problems that ultimately present as abuse or neglect of my spouse. My brother is recovering slowly with the help of the therapy team and is now at the stage where he must understand the importance of moving through and beyond his experiences. The narcissist harms other people because they are harmed themselves. Just listen Dont confuse a narcissist with Aspergers syndrome. Interesting question for sure. Shes not trying to be mean. Now we meet every 2 weeks, and have a chat and a coffee, we still have interests and ideas and views in common so plenty to talk about. Likewise it is also possible to have both Aspergers and mental disorders including sociopath and narcissism. Im so unsure of myself now, perhaps I am too sensitive and feel like Im the one who has screwed this up by asking him to change behavior he cant help. So I told him I reccently did an Autism quiz and it came back saying I was very high on the autistic side of the spectrum and should get assessed. Always calm.. no drama.. no.. nothing. He is only playing with you. Living with a narcistic man I now see he had me just where he wanted me and that was always below him and to never feel anything good for myself. She kept sending me by force to therapies then after enable me to gamble use my father psychological attacks on me or do it herself if need be to take me down down then when at the bottom .. finish me off with a big loan i never wanted. I am so pleased that you have managed to have a good relationship with your mother. Heres the kicker though: I think I might be somewhere on the autism spectrum AND a narcissist. I tick many of the boxes of the list in this article and its so confusing. having few friends at school. Its just that they are not equipped to figure all i could, and the society itself is built to protect narcs and not the opposite. However the lack of empathy leads to narcissistic behaviours and a misunderstanding of the real cause of symptoms. Thank you for your GoodTherapy posts. hey if why are you doing this or that. I try my best with them but my psy is a narc the type of my father (he physician boss in healthcare) and my therapists most are narcs too the weak ones like my mother. I felt by explaining the above, it could help in knowing what level youre on to know how to handle it. Most worrisome is that he repeats the same stories of his job, his ex wives, his children like hes never told them before. The flashback was in real time, I felt intolerable pain, and also the emotion of terror. Every real symptom can be explained by a combination of biochemistry and consciousness studies none of which needs any of the cult speak of psychiatry. It still is for many. Im not sure if what I have written will help but I hope so even if its just a little. Do c-ptsd sufferers hoover? I do think his obsession with his daughter will go down somewhat once she leaves as the incessant talking about her although still a lot, was not as bad when she wasnt living with him. There are also VICTIM Narcissists. As Robin touched upon, I feel that we cannot begin to determine what is really going on with a persons brain until their environmental toxins and deficits are corrected. One 12 years and the other 6. From what you have said I can see a certain amount of manipulation going on. He told me he did a quiz too and it came back saying he was likely Autistic. They pushed me and then sometimes helped or suggested me student loan or something like that, that they would sign for me etc. I was an extremely broken person by the end of our marriage and spent many years working on myself as I have always been determined to want the best out of life. Is it Asperger's or Narcissism or Both? Some autistic people can lack empathy (but only through not understanding a situation entirely once you explain what is going on they will show huge sympathy and understanding for the situation). I dont hate others or have any kind of problem or jealousy. Here is the problem that confuses me. But there is a big difference from one who knows he/she needs help and one who thinks he/she has all the answers and is always right, because they want to cover up their demons. Some very dangerously incorrect information about autistic people here, probably better for you to leave it to actually autistic people. This article generalizes far, far too much for it to be trustworthy. For instance, I have autism, but Im not one-dimensional, I behave differently around different people (as does everyone you dont behave the same way to your SO as to your boss and to your friends). these so called personality disorders simply do not exist My life, is ruined. Everything at the right time to make me fail all i try to achieve and dig dig always with that massive guilt moutain they keep building to push me to suicide. As my daughter says, those on the autistic spectrum are not quite the same as those, not on the autistic spectrum, but then she says she just doesnt fit into the guide of what a normal person in this world is expected to be. I wouldnt have survived to write this if I hadnt had an enormous amount of very good quality help from books, friends and therapists. Its the only way, hes toxic and it wont ever get any better. They are the predictably outcome of antisocial society as normal. He never asks how I am, and only asks what I think about something to help him make a decision, because hes incapable of making them. The light she shines on me is scary at times. Not missing people in an ordinary way is also a common trait of autism and ADHD. The last one disappeared somehow, I noticed, when I began to recover from the 2nd 2015 breakdown. Which makes me suspicious. Even if i can prove that my father committed horrible crimes against me and my family and frauded his work for millions, nobody listens or care what i say. Since i left behind all my family.. im always.. at peace. I told her it was rooted in her traumatic past and are the primary reasons that she treated people who cared about her poorly. I feel there are no two individual people in this world that are the same or lets say I have never met them, but then I am no expert on this. There was physical abuse, but I called the cops often and also separated once. Interventions usually focus on helping people manage behaviors and develop skills that help them function more effectively in different environments. It was very difficult growing up with an older sibling who was very manipulative and all about self. Yes, they are as varied in character as other folk. Think I am almost there. I was hoovered not once, not twice, but thrice by a woman Im pretty sure has high-functioning autism and c-ptsdthat is, if her story checks out. This is not something any of my family have had to encounter before and I really struggle with it. So how could i tell? But that gave me tiime to study. Learn how they behave, think ahead of time to protect myself from future attacks to my safety etc. Its the detail that is the secret for this unfortunate person , to be unravelled, somehow , and that is where trust is crucial and most elusive. You are so right Robin, Its exactly as you say where Id give another chance and the misery would start all over again. Not respecting boundaries. I was a slow learner as far as see my hubby as a narcissist. Women with Aspergers over 40 are driven to GET AWAY from what they don't like doing. there I said it, is the world still running? Hes clueless about the damage he causes. Recognize that your partner may derive pleasure from hurting you. If I say something about myself or my family, he hijacks the conversation and makes it about him or his family. When I was recovering from my first breakdown, an understanding friend helped me a lot, talked to me, we talked all afternoon once a week for about a year, many hours! I wondered how anyone with narcissism could show empathy or how people on ASD could be social. His relationship with his Dad was very questionable. I was desperate for attention and conversation and no abuse and so I had several sexual encounters that he just found out about and now I dont know how to end this all. I have a narcisstic Mother who thinks she has Asbergers. I still get caught out from time to time but not often. that its my fault that bla bla.. they tortured me.. guilt trip me.. they enjoyed the god dam narcs they knew they wouldnt have more chances after THEN after days saying they had no found.. that it was useless to ask after 1 hour with me on 10 days empty stomach.. dizzy and all lost they popped food and lied telling me my other therapist was bringing me to food bank last time but i missed the appointment (trying to earn money online to eat!) My life is ruined, i live in a foundation for autistic adults that had.. my life. LadyJay you have found what I have found. I spent the next few years working on myself, looking after the family and working full time in an office which was good for me at that time. A total war going on but its not on a military or country level. When I inadvertently triggered rage in him it was wild and an eye opener, as I can suffer CPTSD, and unfortunately lost a friend of very many years the next day. We were not monogamous. A daughter who was recently diagnosed in the same autism range as my unmarried daughter, and a son who is much lower on the spectrum and yet another daughter in that family who is normal. Develop healthy, happy connections within other relationships.
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